Stages of watching a horror film

By Vageesha Mishra

Things in Italics describe my thoughts.

***

Finding out about the film

Friend – Have you seen that horror film?

Me – No. (Don’t even intend to, bro!)

***

Luring

I’m so bored today. I need some thrill in life. Why do they keep showing the same movies on TV?

Flick

“Hey, isn’t it the same horror film he had mentioned?”

Oh yes.

Should I watch it?

It’s a terrible idea of course. I always do this and regret afterwards. I should find something else to watch.

Although, let’s catch a few glances. I won’t sit through the whole thing anyway!

***

Interest building

Nice.

And I like how it’s a normal story, something on the lines of a thriller. Let’s watch some more.

Is it even a horror film?

How do these guys manage to put up at such sprawling mansions?

Funny how all the wives in these movies are homemakers?!

And it’s always a couple, sometimes with kids and they are all so stupid, lol!

Is it even a horror film?

I’m laughing all the while.

SMH, so predictable.

Knock, knock! Let me tell you why they put me under that genre

Hey, what’s happening?

Oh shoot, what’s that?

No, don’t show the face.

Oh man she is observing the protagonist while she sleeps. That’s some scary stuff, damn.

I’m beginning to feel the creepy and spooky in this but damn how will she make out of this?

Watch at your own risk

“Honey, I’ll be staying the night at the office. Will you be alright alone?”

The heck no.

Protagonist female blessed with everything but common sense – “I’d be okay. Come home soon.”

Are you kidding me?

You’re being haunted and you fine with staying alone?

Seriously who do they make these movies for?

Under five kids?

Go stay at a hotel if there is no one else to give you company.

Damn you, it’s night time again.

Turn off the TV or change the damn channel

Oh My God, she is watching her sleep again.

Hands covering eyes, sound barely making out of the screen, fear gripping every heartbeat, verbal hatred unfolds.

Great she’s up and investigating now.

“Dude leave the house.”

Oh noooooo, she is going down the hallway.

So much darkness.

Don’t

Eeeek

Eeeek

“Are you kidding me? She is going for the basement door?”

“Incoherent mumbles”

Fingers giving out zero visibility.

Let me sneak a peek.

Protagonist screams.

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaah”

Aaaaaaaaaaaah!

Run, run. Oh My God, she’s chasing after. Run girl ruuuuuuun!

Dude where’s the evil thing? Where did it go? It’s going to appear from anywhere. I should definitely stop watching.

Aaaaaaahowww My God. That is the scariest face I have seen. Holy moly, it’s sticking to the ceiling. And she is launching herself at the girl. Omg, so scary, shoot, shoot, shoooot! I can’t watch any further, I can’t.

Light watch

I need to watch something happy and holy to shake off fear from my mind. I feel horrible, what even is wrong with me? How can someone make the same mistake again and again. Ow what’s that sound? Ugh, I’ve honestly not seen anything more annoying than you guys from the animal kingdom. Now, cut out your pigeon beats, shoo, away, away, eww, awaaay.

Ah, how nice, Princess Diaries. Forget about the horror stuff yo, that was just a story. Chill now.

After an hour.

Hah! All good.

Mandatory waking up at 2 am that night

Oh my God, why did I wake up at this hour?

Don’t they say it’s the danger time of night?

Shucks damn shucks.

I most certainly shouldn’t have seen that film.

Forcefully shutting eyes, evil face flashes in mind.

Ho no, Ho no. Wow, I’m messing up words too.

What if something is observing me sleep.

Ho noooo, hoooooo nooooo.

Don’t look at the door.

D-o-n-t l-o-o-k a-t t-h-e d-o-o-r

*Glances towards the door*

*Finds nothing*

Heavy sighs.

But wait what if there is something under my bed and when I step down, grabs my feet? I’m not going anywhere till dawn. Nowhere.

Ah chill mind, are you a child?

*Attempts to fall asleep again*

What if something is standing next to me?

Eeeeeeeeeh.

Let me drown myself in these sheets.

AH I’M NEVER EVER WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE AGAIN!

Think of something nice. But what? Oh yes, music, what better?

*Goes for the cellphone*

But wait I’d need my earphones.

*Eyes them lying on the table across from the bed*

Let me get them.

*Sees image of grotesque arm coming out from under the bed and reaching for my foot*

I’m not getting off this bed.

Buzzzzz

Heart skips a beat.

“What? What’s that?

Phone blinking aggressively.

Dear customer, bill dated…

Sone do yaar, raat ko bhi bill payment. Hadd hai, ghar pe insaan nai hai kya tum longo ke? Rakh lo saare paise hamare, sone bhi mat do. (My inner hatred for my service providers takes over fear and I fall asleep after some time with thoughts of unreasonable rates and perils of capitalism in mind!)

Six months later.

Friend – “Have you seen that film?”

The end.

***

By twinkling words

Yeah I know, why does she even do it if that’s how she gets? I’ve been asking myself the same for years now 😦

How’s your scene?!